An Actual Conversation With the Pittsburgh Sanitation Department:

Me: Hi! I just moved into a new house and I was wondering what day my trash was picked up.

Sanitation worker: Um, where do you live? I can guess based on that.

Me: I live on Frayne in Greenfield. Can you look it up, though?

Sanitation worker: (Sigh) Ok. Um, Oh! That's that weird street that is spelled like "Fraaah- Nay"!

Me: Uh, it's F-R-A-Y-N-E.

Sanitation worker: That'll be wednesday. Or thursday.

Me: Great, thanks. I have another question if that's alright?

Sanitation worker: (Sigh)

Me: On one page of your website it says the garbage collectors won't pick up carpeting, but on another page it says you'll pick up anything smaller than 5 feet if it's bound by twine. Is there a city dump I can bring the carpeting we just pulled up? Or...

Sanitation worker: I don't think there are any dumps people can go to. There, uh, used to be one on Electric Avenue, but it'll cost you 50$ to get in there, and that was like years ago, so it could be 200$ now. Or probably illegal. Naw, you just cut the carpet into small pieces and leave it out a little every week.

Me: Ok...

Sanitation worker: Or you could TALK to your garbage men. You know what I mean when I say TALK?

Me: I...think so?

Sanitation worker: Ok, bye now.