Yarrr, Matey! Damn yer eyes!

It's extraordinarily difficult to type with no depth perception, I find. Why do I have no depth perception, do you ask? Well, I wore old contacts to bed last night and screwed one eye up something awful. It's watery and red and painful if I open it, so I currently have an eyepatch over it, pirate style. [Full Disclosure: I didn't have an eye patch so it's an Hermes scarf tied around my head.] The look is toped off by my glasses, crookedly perched on my nose. Brilliant.

All this trouble could have been avoided if I just got over my vanity and stopped wearing disposable plastic contacts. The earth would thank me and so would my eyeballs. Also: my wallet since I've already purchased the exhorbitantly expensive designer frames and I have to keep buying contacts at 40 bucks a box every month.

Damn yer eyes, indeed.